During this time, the Scripture which has come to my mind the most and given me comfort is Galatians 6:8-9 (particularly verse 9):
"For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." (NASB)
The hardest part about this verse in my situation is the "in due time," and I will come back to why. When I applied for the job spoken of in the previous post, I looked back at all the time I had been working at my current job, wanting so bad to make a change.
I remembered starting school while working and raising a family, and looking ahead to when I was going to graduate thinking it was so far away. Yet, I worked hard and stayed faithful to pursuing my degree. I remembered those last two years of school taking almost a full load of classes while working over 40 hours a week, just so I could finish school a year earlier. I remembered how my wife had to bear seeing me so unhappy with my job, and feeling guilty for me having moved here where she lived when we got married. I remembered being excited about graduation from college, looking forward to seeking the right time to seek the job change I have so desperately wanted, and further chasing my Master's degree. I remembered learning shortly after graduation our doctor telling us something was wrong with our unborn child, and having to put things on hold with my plans. I remembered the 4 agonizing months of being 6 hours away from our other children, while we prayed for our newborn child to finally make it home. I remembered having to be so strong and not let all that was going on those 4 months not get me down, so that I could help my wife through it. I remembered all the times I have watched my baby stop breathing since she has been born. I remembered the time she stopped breathing and we thought we had lost her (in June), and having to call an ambulance getting her back while on the phone with 9-1-1. Furthermore, I thought about how we currently have so many trials yet to go through with our daughter. I thought about all this and believed it was "due time" when I applied for the job. But God did not. Why didn't He?
The short answer is that I do not know. I look at the situation and still think it is due time. In truth, I know that were I to continue in my job for another 20 years, God would not owe me anything. The underlying idea behind my feeling it is "due time" is based on the ever-present, subconscious idea of a works righteousness which permeates my sin nature. God's grace and mercy run so counter to our idea of merit. When anyone does anything good for us our sin nature makes us want to pay it back in some way. On the reverse side, when we have done something we feel is good or sacrificial, we should get something in return. And I know here from my favorite book of Romans (and many other places) that we can never earn God's favour.
So where does Joseph being sold into slavery fit in to how I feel? Well, Joseph had a dream in the 37th chapter of Genesis of that he would be a leader and that many would bow down to him. But his brothers sold him into slavery because they were jealous of him. Joseph was taken to Egypt where he prospered for a while before being sent to prison on false charges of rape in chapter 39. He later found favour with Pharaoh and was made a ruler in Egypt in chapter 41. The remainder of Genesis tells the story of his brothers coming to Egypt bowing down to him, not knowing he was their brother, and his restoration with his family. Now, I imagine Joseph must have gone through tremendous pain and heartache after the vision he had was cut short by his being sold into slavery. And certainly more so after having success and finding favour with the leaders there, only to be sent to prison on false charges of rape.
That is where I feel like Joseph. I know God is calling me for ministry, just as Joseph knew he was going to be a leader that many would bow down to. But just like for Joseph, it has not turned out the way I thought it would. I have in no way suffered the way Joseph did, so there is no comparison there. I only mean the way he suffered the vision he had to be utterly destroyed.
I take heart though that his vision was fulfilled after all, but not in the way he had would have planned. It was filled the way God had planned, and also in His "due time." It seems in Scripture that many are given to see something God has planned for them. But then something happens to make it appear absolutely impossible. Then, God fulfills it in His own way, and in his own "due time." In those times I see the person remaining absolutely faithful and trusting God, and believing as Jeremiah spoke in Jeremiah 29:11:
"'For I know the plans that I have for you you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'"(NASB)
So, I must purpose to not "lose heart in doing good" as Galatians 6:9 commands for I know that "in due time" God will fulfill what he has spoken to my heart. I further know that when He does so it will be so far above and beyond what I have seen for myself that all that I have gone through, and have yet to go through, will be absolutely worth it.
